the first things i did when i got home...
was set off the smoke detector. my grandma heated up some spagetti for me, and i put some cookies in the over. the double oven (top and bottom) but because i am such a thoughtful person (a hem), i made sure to preheat the over. it's one of those new electric-type-thingies, and i pressed all the right buttons, and was waiting for it to beep at me to let me know it was preheated. it let me know, alright, in about 5 minutes smoke started pouring out the bottom oven, it smelled like plastic, i opened the oven. it was filled with a cookie sheet, extension cords,
cable jacks, and other electronic stuff. it was melted. great. the smoke detector went off forever. it was loud. who puts stuff like that in the oven?
[sidenote: i was trying to preheat the top oven, and had checked that one out, but somehow managed to turn on the bottom oven. oh well.]
the second thing i did was read my mail, and find out that i'm wanted by the department of homeland security & the tsa. ok, not exactly wanted, but on the list.
see, when a girl packs up the remnants of her car, and then she and her dad try to fly back to boise (she with a one-way ticket) and about 8 carry on items between them, they catch the tsa attention. i didn't think about what i had packed in the carry on bags, just stuffed left-overs from the car into bags. each bag contained at least one pair of scissors. and because i was flagged for having a one-way ticket, all my bags were searched anyhow. so were the ones my dad carried on for me because he said, "well, i don't know what's in them, i'm carrying them on for my daughter." anyhow, scissors are no big deal, and i got to tell them all the story of my last 6 months and at that point i was one the verge of tears.
then they found paddle...
it's a leather covered whacking stick that used to belong to my grandfather who was a (u.s.?) marshall. it had been handed down in our family, and when i headed east, my dad gave it to me to keep in my car. as far back as i can remember it had been kept under the front seat of one of our cars. i never thought i would use it, but it was a nice heirloom to have and might come in handy in case of emergency window breaking, etc. anyhow...it was in my carry on, and it got their attention right away. they made a quiet, big fuss, and finally let me go. no big deal. i handed it over to them, didn't think twice, just wanted to make the plane in time.
i came home to a letter from the department of homeland security and the tsa saying they looked into the claim against me and it was found to be unintentional, but that my name would always be on the list.
ok, ok so that's a totally and completely abbreviated version of what the letter said, but maybe i'm afraid to type what it really says, cause then they'd really try to come get me. regardless, my name is now on the list and i won't ever be able to be in an airport without the secret alarm going off, without having to have my person intimately metal detected, or without having to unpack all my hastilly but well-organized bags. oh snap. oh well.

my brother is making the cat drink beer from a soy sauce dish

i just spilled water all over my mom and the sofa. i think they want to send me back to where ever i came from (where is that?), and they are asking for an encore.

we've decided to spend our christmas eve in a very devoutly catholic manner...taking our six-pack of neurotic family members to see meet the fockers, and then open only one present each.

tomorrow i paddle in the 6 foot lake

i'm glad to not have to drive for a month

kirk: "if i wrote kofi annan a letter, do you think he would read it?"
dad: he's in a lot of trouble right now?
grandma: (grandma noise) oh, kobi, he's in trouble.