i had written an incredibly large text for what i am about to say on a plane earier today, but now i am in charlotte, nc & too tired to edit any of it.

here's the basic run-down.
i'm grateful to be alive & more thrilled than ever to have the amazing opportunities that i do in my life. after an amazing long weekend in portland, i hit the eastbound road tuesday morning on the final journey back to new haven (which wasn't going to be that final, but we'll talk about that later). anyhow, driving on icy roads that night, i skidded and lost control of jeepie, and tumbled off the side of the road and rolled the car. i'm the luckiest girl (still) alive and suffered absolutely no injuries whatsoever, i still don't know how i happened to remain unharmed or who i need to thank. jeepie didn't do so well, and sacrificed it's life in saving me, taking some serious blows which i am glad i didn't have to suffer. i only started to cry when i saw my bike lying in the snow with a broken fork. now jeepie has been put to rest in a junkyard in burley, idaho (where i spent the last two nights) and i feel like i have lost a steady companion (sniff), adventure partner, as well as the niche for all the crying and making out i did in my youth. my knight-in-shining-armor dad flew out wednesday. leaving out details the non-existent readers of this blog won't mind, i packed all my belongings and between the two of us we flew with them to charlotte. l'il dude was boxed up and shipped back to charlotte. someone needs to remember to ask me how much fun it is to fly with a suspicious one-way ticket and 8 attempted carry-on bags. (sarcasm.)
anyhow, i'm done being shaken and ready to move on with life (which in this case means holding still for at least a year), but now i can't wait for that to start. i think the joy of being on the road is kaput, it only took #172 days (but i will rethink that when i get to new haven on monday and get to start working again). anyhow, i don't think i have experienced such an extreme high and low as i did tuesday, and if you're still interested in this blabbering, i've extracted some poorly written narrative of my pre-accident joy for your lack-of-enjoyment below. (i have no idea why i am so dismissive and negative right now, hopefully just tired!)

tuesday was a great day, that started out with more a greater than average amount of potential. it was day #170 of the rest of my life (the rest of my life starting june 20 when bike the vote headed out of new haven, and when i started counting the days of seeing life in a new way) and i was overflowing with possibility and excitement. i spent the early morning hours running errands in the damp city of portland, and relishing a [really] magnificent long weekend of sushi, bike riding, hiking, anthropologie inspiration, salmon, talking, re-experiencing and remembering how much i like portland, trying on overalls, walking with friends to the park, and getting to know new friends even better (yes, you know exactly who you are). but the most important was gaining a deeper sense of where i want to be going, and exactly what i am going to do next to make my life as wonderful and happy as possible in all imaginable ways (duct taping, not overworking, yoga, cycling, making furniture, working with a new space, having a home, relaxing (gasp!), and salivating over all the opportunities in front of me: creating, working with wood, paddling, cycling, organizing). i drove out of portland, new music playing on jeepie’s stereo, filled with an amazing exuberance about life, and finally a plan (or at least the most important pieces of it) and the confidence and joy to enact it.. and with that i started the first day in my cross country trip, headed east on I-84.

i drove and drove and drove and was making incredible time, felt alert and in an excellent mood. i received serendipitous phone calls from back east about organizing in new haven, excitedly jabbered with my dad about my excitement for the future (and he laughed at my (higher than usual, but always typical) excitement, and i made ‘happy birthday’ calls. i let the columbia river gorge relax me into fantasies of all the ways i want to come back to explore it (by kayak, by foot, by bike). i saw three peaceful deer when i got off the freeway to get gas. i enjoyed the change of scenery as i gained altitude in eastern Oregon, and saw the first snow of the trip. i entered idaho, and laughed at how 5 hours in jeepie accomplished the same as about 2 weeks of biking. i lost my breath as I came over a summit and saw the sawtooth mountains in front of me in full, snow dusted, sun bathed glory. i smiled and hopped joyfully to my new, happy music. i was content to be moving along and so full of joy I could not stop smiling my goofy, happy smile. i passed boise, and thought of the 3 drives to and from that great city this summer, and the alone time it supplied, and how different i am now... it got dark and i stopped for gas in twin falls, and talked to jessie on the phone in the parking lot, and how good it felt to chat. i kept heading east, and called my aunt and uncle when i passed hansen, idaho. i kept driving. despite the clear sky, the roads were now covered with a residual layer of driven-through slush, and i noticed that the thermometer quickly dropped 7 degrees to read 26 degrees, way below freezing. I was starting to think it was time to stop for the night, getting anxious about icy roads.

then it happened, the way these things happen, in oddly slow, over-aware, motion. jeepie started to skid on ice, i lost control, the car skidded to the right, out of the lane, into the shoulder, off the road, into an embankment, snow splashed onto the front windshield, and i was in the middle of the loudest and most powerful sound i ever heard as jeepie nose-dived into the embankment, rolled, and finally landed, wheels on the ground. i couldn't believe i'd stopped moving. i wan't bleeding and i could still breathe. the door wouldn't open, so i scooted out through the broken window. absolute quiet and black on the snowy idaho roadside.